the stick, the stone and the puddle

pick your poison, then again why choose and not have both. weekend is passed, cravings a plenty and managed not to light up yet. the fifth day is here, cravings have yet to decrease in intensity. more or less it’s specific tasks that hit home. spent quite a bit of time on my balcony on saturday. the trip to the balcony was as much as an addiction as the nicotine itself. a feeling of relaxation settles in as i walk out even if a smoke does not join in. the addiction itself is as much a social addiction as is a physical one. not sure how to characterize the physical addiction to nicotine, as most of the cravings i keep going through are related to various activities or social aspects. the walk from the car to the office, walking back, the afternoon at home, the morning coffee. they’re all there. day five is starting, let’s see what it brings.

two days have passed, frankly quite ‘easy’, but have passed. managed to refuse a smoke when offered…but damn beer sure tastes different. i guess the first real test has passed, drank with friends that smoke and managed to hold back the temptation. it also helped they took it easy on me…and decided to step outside to continue their habit. gum was also helpful, too bad my bottom maxillary does not quite agree. taking my ‘anger’ out on the gum proved to leave behind undesired lasting effects. come to think of it, good thing my dentist appointment is coming up soon.

the third day is finally here, and based on the things i’ve heard…it’s the third day i should worry about. i guess having some whiskey left over and friends coming over to help me out with it doesn’t inspire much confidence on managing the cravings. addiction ain’t so bad afterall, it’s the lack off that we can’t deal with.

it’s the 7th and the hardest thing so far wasn’t the morning coffee on friday but giving up the usual ‘last smoke’ of the day. the one just prior to heading to bed, the one when everyone in the house is asleep, the one when one can stand on the balcony by themselves and ‘relax’. the smoke late at night when there’s nobody to ask anything. when the world seems to have stopped for the few moments needed to re-think the happenings of the day. so perhaps it wasn’t the nicotine i was craving late at night, but the few minutes of standing on the balcony, watching the rain come down as a millions thoughts would have raced through my mind.

another day, it’s friday, the weekend’s here. i guess it had to come sooner or later. the first of many temptations waiting for the next little while. a weekend revolving around relaxation, entertainment and well who could forget the ‘OH’.